How to Sound Like You Have a Philosophy

Begin with an idea. Begin again. Make it sound important. Then important-er. Say something vague that sounds like a quote from a misattributed philosopher but ends abruptly with a Pause. Thought. Clarity. Then we get really serious By adding capitalized Ideas. By capitalizing more Ideas. By Capitalizing Literally Everything. And end it all on a confusing yet powerful note: Cabbage.