A moment that changed me: My unbearable grief kept growing – until I found solace in a silent community

The author's father passed away in 2022 from a rare blood disease. In response, the author quit their PhD and moved back to London, attempting to cope by staying extremely busy. They took on a new communications job, frequented clubs on weekends, started a side hustle selling clothes, and became dedicated to their gym routine. The intention was to suppress overwhelming grief through constant activity. However, this coping mechanism eventually failed. The author began experiencing uncontrollable public outbursts of tears at work, on public transport, and at the gym. Despite colleagues' attempts to ignore their distress, the author found their ability to manage their life diminishing. The previously distracting activities of clubbing, work, and the gym began to feel unmanageable and excessively loud.