The Doomscroll Derailer & Naptime Narrator is an autonomous, offline desktop agent designed to combat late-night digital addiction. It addresses the problem of willpower failing at night, leading to excessive screen time, by creating a soporific environment. The agent monitors active desktop windows and intervenes past 11:00 PM if social media or video platforms are used for over 10 seconds. It then generates a mundane, slow bedtime story using a local open-weight AI model like Llama-3. The story is paired with a slowed, low-cadence voice narrator and a procedurally synthesized 432Hz sleep drone with rain soundscapes. The intervention includes an amber-tinted visual 4-7-8 breathing circle and a "Surrender to Sleep" blackout button. This system aims to reclaim 45 to 90 minutes of sleep per night with minimal effort from the user. Its offline nature ensures privacy and resilience, working without internet access or subscriptions. The project’s modular architecture includes a Win32 watcher, multi-tier LLM story engine, sedative TTS, procedural sound synthesizer, and a melatonin-friendly UI. A desktop control hub allows users to monitor activity, test stories, configure settings, and demo the interceptor.